beautiful disaster

I don't really know what to say.

I've gradually come to realise that sometimes the reason why I can't worship God isn't because He doesn't want to grace me with His presence. It's more because I don't let Him in. In my stubbornness and pride I cling on to the burdens that weigh me down. I refuse to let Him fill the God-shaped hole in my heart and I think about it and realise I'm just so, so stupid.

Like today. I refused to give up thoughts that bothered me, refused to surrender my sins to Him. Refused to heed the soft prompting in my heart to do what was right, to obey my parents.

Today I got home depressed about everything. I knew I needed God but I was just too lazy to get up and pray or read His Word. I was just so tired. So I procrastinated. But I eventually got down to doing it and you know what, as I read about Esther and how God answers prayer and how much He cares this warmth started to flow into my heart and I realised just how blessed I am. He's provided so much and as every day passes I gain a better understanding of His grace.

Thank You for the weekend. Thank You for letting me survive. Thank You for providing at my every point of need! Haha...Fridays are always nice. Shirin and I love Fridays because it means we've survived one week and the weekend's just around the corner. Thank You for blessing me with sooo much.

Friday was nice, even though I was in a horrible mood for the first part of the day. It was nice getting all those flowers and chocolates from people. It's nice to know that people care about you, I suppose. Even those whom you didn't keep in contact with but still thought of you anyway, and those who have been with you and know all about you and still love you for the silly person you are.

(Tina and the gang! You guys are the coolest class comm. around! Putting pink cellophane paper on the lights and paper hearts on the OHP and buying and writing all that stuff for each and every one of us--WOW!)

jac was here with you 2/15/2004 06:16:00 pm

My Destiny
Psalm 46 (NASB)
God is our refuge and strength,
A very present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change
And though the mountains slip into the heart of the sea;
Though its waters roar and foam,
Though the mountains quake at its swelling pride.

There is river whose streams make glad the city of God,
The holy dwelling places of the Most High.
God is in the midst of her, she will not be moved;
God will help her when morning dawns.
The nations made an uproar, the kingdoms tottered;
He raised His voice, the earth melted.
The Lord of hosts is with us;
The God of Jacob is our stronghold.

Come, behold the works of the Lord,
Who has wrought desolations in the earth.
He makes wars to cease to the end of the earth;
He breaks the bow and cuts the spear in two;
He burns the chariots with fire.
"Cease striving and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
The Lord of hosts is with us;
The God of Jacob is our stronghold.