beautiful disaster

You give and take away, You give and take away. My heart will choose to say, "Lord, blessed be Your name."

I wonder when I will be able to do that.

Leaders' retreat was...well, I got less sleep that I usually do at home, and I kept poor Dan and Justin up (I'm sorry!), talking about things. Read Hannah's blog about the retreat and realised what I felt about and during it was pretty similar to what she said. It had been a nice escape from reality, the starting of school and the O'Level year (why is it O'Level and not O Level? Ooh, Level can be spelt backwards. Just like Hannah!) and I remember a huge feeling of dread as I bade everyone goodbye on Sunday.

Now it's Monday. Kick into full gear, Jac. Set phasers on 'study'. Which means also, "Stop spending so much time online and go and do your e math!"

And the calling thing...I'm still unsure. I feel like Hannah, too. Wanting to serve in music/worship but not knowing if that is my calling. Not knowing that if God wanted me to go to cell ministry instead, I would go.

School's all right, I guess. Not exactly the ideal place to be but then again, we don't live in an ideal world. Having trouble with the booking thing. I don't like booking people but I know I should. Rrrr...

What is my purpose in this school? Not just being this person who goes around booking people like crazy, or the one who's always super busy because she volunteers to do stuff in class because her good friend is the class chair (but not anymore). There's a reason I'm here, and it may be a little late, and it is pretty daunting, but I'm going to find it.

jac was here with you 1/05/2004 05:32:00 pm

My Destiny
Psalm 46 (NASB)
God is our refuge and strength,
A very present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change
And though the mountains slip into the heart of the sea;
Though its waters roar and foam,
Though the mountains quake at its swelling pride.

There is river whose streams make glad the city of God,
The holy dwelling places of the Most High.
God is in the midst of her, she will not be moved;
God will help her when morning dawns.
The nations made an uproar, the kingdoms tottered;
He raised His voice, the earth melted.
The Lord of hosts is with us;
The God of Jacob is our stronghold.

Come, behold the works of the Lord,
Who has wrought desolations in the earth.
He makes wars to cease to the end of the earth;
He breaks the bow and cuts the spear in two;
He burns the chariots with fire.
"Cease striving and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
The Lord of hosts is with us;
The God of Jacob is our stronghold.