YMy Life--The Movie
It comes like a sneaky, slow sensation, crawling up and permeating your mind, this idea that you should be everything everyone expects you to be. You have an impression of what everyone expects you to be and you're afraid that if you don't live up to their expectations something unspeakable should happen.
It goes past what people think, even. What people think you are slowly becomes what you think you are and when suddenly you realise that you aren't the perfect person you wish you were, that your relationships are far from being the fulfilling kind you wish they were, when you feel lethargic and flabby from not exercising, when you realise it is possible for you to get below 30 for physics MCQs, you crash down to earth.
It's disappointing, really, when confronted with the reality that your life is not perfect and it will never be perfect, despite what other people say. Not storybook-ending perfect, though sometimes when you're happy it may seem that way. When depression sets in and starts to pick out everything that is utterly undesirable in your life you see your life from a different angle and realise this uncomfortable truth: life is not a movie.
Your life will never be a movie with music playing softly in the background. No one will ever see that poignant scene of you playing the guitar while staring wistfully out of the window. Rain will not fall to add to the atmosphere of sadness when you are crying. You will never be able to hear what other people say about you when you're not there.
To me, the melodrama queen, this is a tragedy.
Life not being a movie means you will never have a perfect body--whatever that is. It means you may fail your exams and be sent to a school you never wanted to go to. It means you will have friends and you will drift, and you may not know some of the people you know right now after a few years. You may be broke. And--horror of horrors! You may never meet your Prince Charming.
Sometimes poetic justice doesn't exist in life like it does in movies. Disappointing, but true. That realisation hit me hard one night as I struggled with the emptiness I feel from time to time.
I don't know how to say this. You all know what is coming. The fact that life is not perfect also means that we don't have to be perfect. We don't have to expect that our lives are perfect, because there will be disappointments and issues in our lives that make us feel helpless and tired. The fantastic thing is that despite all this, God has a gift to offer us.
God has His gifts of joy and peace. These gifts don't change our circumstances at all; they change the way we view our circumstances. With the peace of the knowledge of His faithfulness and love we look at our present circumstances not through eyes tinged with sadness and despair, but with hearts of hope and anticipation. With the joy of trusting that He loves us we can wake up looking forward to what each day brings, knowing that He will never leave us nor forsake us.
Our Father in heaven is watching us from up there with eyes of love.
jac was here with you
10/24/2004 07:17:00 pm
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