beautiful disaster

So the MOE attachment fell through. Not that I'm devastated--I'm disappointed purely for pragmatic and selfish reasons, because there goes another little sentence on my very brief CV--I'm glad because it gives me more time to rest this holiday. Books, essays, salsa and friends, here I come!

I wonder where I'll go, and I wonder how far I'll get, with this pathetic CV (it is pathetic because after 10 months I still cannot stand being in school after lessons are over) and a C in econs that I have no idea how to transform magically into an A. I can't possibly imagine myself anywhere but in Singapore for the next few years, and you know what? It's really not that bad. I mean, Singapore is home, and in Singapore at least you don't need to worry about never having friends or getting fat due to overeating in a bid to stay warm in cold weather.

I never thought it was a horrible prospect, really, but when you get into school and listen to Barnard speak about Oxbridge and look at your classmates and see "Ivy League" or "Oxford" written all over them, you begin to wonder.

I could apply to be attached to a law firm, like the teacher offered, or I could go in March, but I don't know. I don't know, because I don't want to get caught up in all of this. I wish I weren't so selfish, and I wish I didn't have to think about all these things, because I just want to be able to go out and have fun and dance and read and y'know, do all the things that really seem to enrich my life. Humans make things so complicated.

Do you think Sabah is pretty? Dad wants to take us there during the last week of November. I've never been to Sabah, but he says it has nice scenery.

jac was here with you 10/31/2005 04:35:00 pm

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My Destiny
Psalm 46 (NASB)
God is our refuge and strength,
A very present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change
And though the mountains slip into the heart of the sea;
Though its waters roar and foam,
Though the mountains quake at its swelling pride.

There is river whose streams make glad the city of God,
The holy dwelling places of the Most High.
God is in the midst of her, she will not be moved;
God will help her when morning dawns.
The nations made an uproar, the kingdoms tottered;
He raised His voice, the earth melted.
The Lord of hosts is with us;
The God of Jacob is our stronghold.

Come, behold the works of the Lord,
Who has wrought desolations in the earth.
He makes wars to cease to the end of the earth;
He breaks the bow and cuts the spear in two;
He burns the chariots with fire.
"Cease striving and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
The Lord of hosts is with us;
The God of Jacob is our stronghold.