beautiful disaster

I guess it's a good thing, in a warped way. I'm back to the days when my blog was just another collection of bytes floating around in cyberspace, obscured by the more important, bigger collections of bytes. Back then things came out of me a lot more freely. Now...I seem to have a permanent sore throat and a chronic loss of memory.

Speaking of memory, I have just woken up to the reality that for my history exam I have to memorise Italian, German, French, Burmese, Malayan, Straits Settlements, IndoChinese and East Indian history. I don't even want to think about how I'm going to fit everything into my brain, really.

Promos preparations have been...threadbare. Half the time I've been so worried I'm unable to study more than I set out to do (which is not a lot), and the other half of the time I'm to unconcerned to do the same. I don't understand it, because no matter what state I'm in--stressed or relaxed, panicked or calm--I just don't/can't study. I don't know how far this is going to take me.

I was doing my quiet time today when I remembered Joshua and Gideon and David and King Hezekiah and King Jehoshaphat, and how God told them to trust in Him and then went to win the battle all by Himself. Joshua had to make the Israelites march around Jericho like idiots for seven days, Gideon had to keep reducing the number of his men till there were only 300 left, Kings Hezekiah and Jehoshaphat barely had to lift a finger to defeat the Assyrians and Moabites & Ammonites respectively (if you don't believe me, check out 2nd Chronicles 20 and 32).

I'm not claiming this as God telling me anything--for all I know, I may just fail my promos. But right now, there's nothing else I can do, and I don't know why myself. My exams start tomorrow (GP luckily, so you can't prepare for that), and who knows what will happen after that? Maybe I don't have to work so hard, maybe I do and because I didn't I'll have to bear the consequences.

So I advance into the battle without the men.

jac was here with you 9/29/2005 01:28:00 pm

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My Destiny
Psalm 46 (NASB)
God is our refuge and strength,
A very present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change
And though the mountains slip into the heart of the sea;
Though its waters roar and foam,
Though the mountains quake at its swelling pride.

There is river whose streams make glad the city of God,
The holy dwelling places of the Most High.
God is in the midst of her, she will not be moved;
God will help her when morning dawns.
The nations made an uproar, the kingdoms tottered;
He raised His voice, the earth melted.
The Lord of hosts is with us;
The God of Jacob is our stronghold.

Come, behold the works of the Lord,
Who has wrought desolations in the earth.
He makes wars to cease to the end of the earth;
He breaks the bow and cuts the spear in two;
He burns the chariots with fire.
"Cease striving and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
The Lord of hosts is with us;
The God of Jacob is our stronghold.