YHere Is Gone
It's been almost a month since I wrote...well, not quite. I'm feeling sort of sleepy--so what's new?--and it's dark and I feel sort of peaceful yet not quite. It's been such a long do-nothing day, and I've felt so unproductive even though I know I have been doing things.
It rained a whole lot today. I woke up to the smell of rain and felt happy because it meant I could sleep some more and get to school at 8 instead of 7:25-ish like I usually do. But the rain makes everything wet and blends everything together till it gets hazy and the air clings to your skin and makes you feel like you're dissolving.
And on days like these, everything you do seems like nothing and I don't understand why.
I've had enough of being cryptic.
The thing is, I don't know if what I'm doing is enough. The worst thing about humanities is, ironically, the lack of homework. There's no way to assess yourself, to see if you measure up to the standard and know your work. Especially not in econs, and I feel like I'm floundering in all the AR and MR curves and diagrams. No, it's not the diagrams that are the problem. The words behind the diagrams are the problem. And I'm not even sure if I'm supposed to be caring about them now. Or ever.
Why do I even care? Maybe right now it's not supposed to matter. I just thought 4 As would look nice on a certificate, I guess. Maybe Dan's right, it's a Chinese thing, we're too hard on ourselves--that sucks. Maybe I just need to relax, but I feel like I've been slacking off too much--there I go again.
Maybe I need to go online more.
Maybe I...Maybe I...Maybe I need to stop thinking so much--no, stop worrying so much about this sort of thing--I DON'T KNOW--
It's all a matter of taking things one step at a time, living it one day at a time, not thinking too much or too little, enjoying...Enjoying? What's that?
Yeah...life isn't all about work, I know.
jac was here with you
7/26/2005 07:36:00 pm
Comments:
Post a Comment