beautiful disaster

Haven't been blogging much. There isn't very much to say, and when there is, I don't quite know how to say it.

For the past few days I've sort of been sitting around watching. It feels that way, at least. I feel like the little mouse in a corner who just sits and watches the rest of the world go by and wonders why people are the way they are. (Maybe it's the afternoon heat that's making me feel this way.) I feel so inactive, and rather unproductive, and most of the time I'm just a buoy in the ocean, bobbing away, biding my time for something, I don't quite know what.

It unnerves me to not be on a mission or to be hurrying somewhere or another. How strange that life can suddenly change gears; one moment you're rushing around to get your homeworkreadingshoppingtalking done in one day and the other moment you're sitting in a chair in the afternoon heat after shutting your book, realising that there's nothing else to complete by the rest of the day.

Do you ever have days like this?

I've discovered staring out of the window of a crowded bus is one of my most enjoyable activites. Just watching, watching and thinking and soon you stop watching what is outside and start watching what is inside you and realising that there is so much more to life, to a person, to this universe, than there is on the surface. And you wonder at its infiniteness because it means the God who created it is bigger than that--so big it blows your mind.

I am enjoying this.

jac was here with you 6/14/2005 02:31:00 pm

Comments: Post a Comment

My Destiny
Psalm 46 (NASB)
God is our refuge and strength,
A very present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change
And though the mountains slip into the heart of the sea;
Though its waters roar and foam,
Though the mountains quake at its swelling pride.

There is river whose streams make glad the city of God,
The holy dwelling places of the Most High.
God is in the midst of her, she will not be moved;
God will help her when morning dawns.
The nations made an uproar, the kingdoms tottered;
He raised His voice, the earth melted.
The Lord of hosts is with us;
The God of Jacob is our stronghold.

Come, behold the works of the Lord,
Who has wrought desolations in the earth.
He makes wars to cease to the end of the earth;
He breaks the bow and cuts the spear in two;
He burns the chariots with fire.
"Cease striving and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
The Lord of hosts is with us;
The God of Jacob is our stronghold.