Ywhen we meet again
Went to watch Betrayal with the class and had an interesting talk with Brandon on the way home, about the play (which he thought was utter rubbish), class dynamics, and friendships. I quite enjoy talking to guys--in many aspects, they are more open than girls about their lives and their opinions. Of course, you have to pick the right guys to talk to. And after 9 months with the class, I think I've figured it out.
It's interesting how friendships develop. Strangely enough, my MG friends and I only grew closer to each other once we left MG. Entering a different, sometimes scary environment, we clung on to each other as the bastions of what was safe and familiar, and knew we were going through the same things--we understood each other. I remember Nic, Zhen and me sitting on the steps beside the Hwa Chong field, watching VJ thrash Hwa Chong's softball team, laughing at absolute rubbish and talking about how annoying our skirts were and how inconvenient it was to have boys around. How strange that last year we had so much in common yet there was so little to talk about and now our diverged paths have brought us closer than ever before.
And then there are the friendships forged in JC. Andrea and I sat in the airport yesterday watching the councillors see Shirin off with their strange, extremely embarrassing council cheer. It drew stares from the couple sitting on the railing beside them, and the jet-lagged travellers trying to wave down taxis, but in me it drew out more than that--it drew out the familiar sensation of longing to belong. It's something I don't get in Hwa Chong but something that characterises AC. But the choice has been made, and despite that loss, I have gained--in a painful but enriching way.
It isn't like that here. Here, we're still feeling our way around each other, unsure of how deep to probe into each other's lives, unsure of what we think of each other. You can't hold a candle under fruit to make it ripen, according to Bismarck. So friendships can't be forced; they have to develop naturally. And in the meanwhile I float in between school and MG and church and home.
Watching Shirin walk past the departure gates and turn to give the rest of us--MG friends, plus adoring AC boys, and happy council mates--one final glance, I wondered--selfishly, I know--if that will ever be me. I know if that day comes I'll be crying buckets--I won't want to let go.
jac was here with you
9/03/2005 10:33:00 pm
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