YDo the Math
I always thought ignoring problems wasn't the solution but maybe sometimes they are when the problems are irrational feelings and worries. It's when I try to analyse them and dwell on them that I get even more depressed and worried, and it comes back to me that "You will keep in perfect peace he whose mind is stayed on You" (Isaiah 26:3; a mixture of the NIV and KJV versions), not on my problems. You see, I keep being preoccupied by the imperfections in my life that they cancel out everything that's great about my life.
Today I didn't want to wake up because I was scared to face the day. I had to stay in school till 3 and after that go to Bukit Batok to give tuition. After that I still had ballet, so I'd be coming back at around 9, and I really hate it when I'm away from home (that's another thing I have to deal with--I think I'm too attached to my home). After I pulled myself out of bed, pried open my eyes and gotten myself to school in time for assembly I discovered to my great delight that I didn't have to go for the S-Paper briefing so I got to go back at 12 and had time to rest. Then I got freaked out about the two history essays I've got to do over the holidays and tried to calm myself down. Now I'm feeling better because I talked to Zhen and Nic and Zhen's being her irrational happy self. It's just amazing, the sine curve of emotions that goes on inside me every day.
It's too much to think of, all the things that go on in my life. They're right when they tell you to take it one day at a time, because if you don't you'll break. I can't keep on thinking about the negatives; I have to learn to enjoy the day. I can't control my moods, though, and that's the part that scares me, because obviously I don't enjoy feeling this way every day. And that's when I commit it to God, and trust that there's a reason He's putting me through all of this.
jac was here with you
10/27/2005 02:37:00 pm
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