YA-drenaline
I feel so fidgety--Ahh! I think it was the adrenaline from econs exam, but it worked the wrong way. It's supposed to make you concentrate better. It made me want to get out of the room and run screaming down the hallway at the prospect of no more econs for the rest of the year! The first I did, half an hour before the stipulated ending time, and the second I refrained from doing with difficulty.
I mean, what's happening, Jac? After one month of stress and studying and stressing about studying (or lack thereof), I feel like throwing caution to the wind. I wish today I could go through all my papers so I'll finally be free.
Unfortunately, I cannot, and so I am stuck having to prepare for tomorrow's math and Chinese paper (they're two separate papers, luckily). There's nothing to do for Chinese, I'll probably come out laughing again because I'll be guessing the answers half the time (my standard response when I can't do a paper is to laugh--I came out of econs today hysterical and called Gilly to share my hysteria with her). Math, on the other hand, I am really sick of, despite still being unsure about intergration. At this rate I am never going to get S math.
What I am looking forward to is after exams, and tutoring Dean and James and Claire. I'm pretty sure that when I'm actually tutoring them I'll probably be tearing my hair out because explaining mathematical concepts can be so frustrating sometimes, though. I'm not looking forward to PW and Interact, though. Sometimes exam period is nice because apart from exams there isn't anything else so you can laze around. Sometimes. Very rarely.
It's funny, I remember being so nervous about econs before the paper, sitting with Hsien and Liling and Sam Sim and answering Sam's questions on ATCs and MCs absently while wishing I could be anywhere but there. We did the essay questions first, and when Barnard told us we could start I was so paralysed because there were 7 questions on the paper and I had to choose 3 to answer and I didn't think I could answer any of them, and I was so afraid I'd run out of time, but once I got going things got better, and it didn't matter so much that I knew my answers were imperfect and could have been better. I got a bit annoyed at some of the stuff I wrote so I was making funny "argh!" noises all throughout the paper--my life is full of sound effects. I remember laughing and wondering what Barnard would think of me writing all this stuff down and when I handed up the paper I really wanted to get it back quickly so I could see how well (or badly) I did.
And I didn't want to wait half an hour for our MCQ paper to start because I just wanted to get everything over and done with and go home. It was as if something in me wanted to reach out and grab the paper ferociously, like Mrs. Diana Goh used to say--"Let me at it! Let me at it!" We had one and a half hours to get through the MCQs. I took about an hour, flipped the paper about and checked some random questions, then--as is my routine--calculated the opportunity cost of staying for the whole period of time, twiddling my thumbs because I knew even if there were mistakes I wouldn't spot it, and realised that it wasn't worth it, and went home.
And now I'm home, and I really should get working but what I really want to do is to go back there and do what my mum told me to do during O'Levels: go kick some exam paper butt.
jac was here with you
10/03/2005 01:17:00 pm
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