beautiful disaster

I've just realised I've gotten really busy. This week has been this huge, tiring week for me (and I know I've begun to say this every week). It's like I wander through the day half-awake, forcing myself to stay awake, doing what I have to do, and when night comes I fall into my bed and fall asleep, but rest seems so fleeting. It seems like just a second later I awake to a new day.

The weird thing is that this week was the week after the concert. I thought I'd be a whole lot freer after the concert but I'm not. I realised that the only thing I really do is study, which is really sad. I've been feeling like I haven't been doing enough for God, and I really do want to seek Him out but at the same time I'm so tired. It's just that...there's so much more of Him to know...but I'm just too tired...

Hannah gave us this article about managing our time yesterday during cell and it really helped. It talked about prioritising and how very often we push aside the important things for the things that seem more urgent at that moment. Like studying for the test the next day instead calling up a friend who's troubled and showing you care.

I don't mean that we should just blow off all our studies and talk on the phone all day. The article reminded me to be sensitive to God's leading and to pay attention to what He wants us to do, instead of what we have to do. Like we hear so often, once we centre our lives around God, everything else will fall into place.

Centring our lives around God's will, like Jesus did. Imagine--there were so many people to heal, to minister. How did He cope? How did He manage to not break down amidst everyone pulling Him in different directions?

Jesus prayerfully waited God's instruction. Early in the morning He would spend time with His Father, listening to what God had to say. Jesus didn't heal every single cripple on the face of the earth. But when He died, He died with the satisfaction of knowing He had completed God's work.

So many times I feel unfulfilled at the end of the day. Every day I come home, do my homework and study. Sometimes I'm so tired I can't do QT properly. And lately I've been feeling like He hasn't been speaking to me. He hasn't been present in my life.

Maybe He doesn't want me to be so preoccupied with doing. He just wants me to sit at His feet and listen.

jac was here with you 4/03/2004 08:12:00 pm

My Destiny
Psalm 46 (NASB)
God is our refuge and strength,
A very present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change
And though the mountains slip into the heart of the sea;
Though its waters roar and foam,
Though the mountains quake at its swelling pride.

There is river whose streams make glad the city of God,
The holy dwelling places of the Most High.
God is in the midst of her, she will not be moved;
God will help her when morning dawns.
The nations made an uproar, the kingdoms tottered;
He raised His voice, the earth melted.
The Lord of hosts is with us;
The God of Jacob is our stronghold.

Come, behold the works of the Lord,
Who has wrought desolations in the earth.
He makes wars to cease to the end of the earth;
He breaks the bow and cuts the spear in two;
He burns the chariots with fire.
"Cease striving and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
The Lord of hosts is with us;
The God of Jacob is our stronghold.