YTwisting Tighter
Status: pushing all thoughts out of my mind.
It's hard to take your own advice when it's 3 days to the exams. 3 days!
One of the worst feelings to have is one of helplessness when you're being tested on a topic you studied and you can't answer anything. It really bursts your bubble. Like today during Chinese and chem. I'd memorised all my Chinese words and zhao jus, but when Yuen May tested me I couldn't remember. And chem? Mrs. Tan was giving us revision, pressure-cooker style. Whiteprecipitateblueprecipitatesoluble/insolubleblank. It just breaks you down. Like everything you'd studied for, all the time you put in, was for nothing, because you can't remember! I really hope it was just nerves.
Breaking point came during math, actually. You know what's worse than not remembering anything? It's when your class hasn't finished the syllabus, you're absolute rubbish at trigonometry because you galloped through it due to the lack of time ("we are horses, we are stallions"...inside joke), you have never been able to grasp quadratic equations (smiley face? frowny face?) and linear law is twisting your brain into a knot that is so tight you feel like crying.
I felt so alone, so so alone. God of Wonders was resounding in my head and as much as I knew my God was so much bigger than all these obstacles it just felt so overwhelming.
I miss Gilly. I haven't spoken to her since goodness-knows-when because her parents unplugged the phone and she doesn't get computer time now. And she lost her handphone.
I realised that there are very few people i actually share my thoughts with and all seem to be floating somewhere, off on a tangent while i'm just going round and round. There's always Mum; she does live in my house after all, but you know how busy the adults species seems to be. So what am i doing now? Talking to a faceless Internet.
I'll check back with you guys for an update on my mental status.
jac was here with you
9/29/2003 07:04:00 pm