YHey :)
Hectic week, but you know, every monday i come back to school thinking, "oh, this week i only have one or two tests, and there's no dance at all, AGM'll be over on Tuesday, and the family fiesta thing's not that important right now--i think i'll have a nice relaxing week." and every week things just keep on popping up and before you know it, i haven't been online for a week and haven't posted either. I'm sorry.
So what popped up this week? National day, it seems. The celebration's tomorrow, and we're doing Sam's dance for it. Elaine, Sam and I had a minor panic yesterday because Mrs. Nat Lim wanted us to dance to this poem Jill was going to read out to make the poem more interesting. When she first approached me to do a solo i nearly had a heart attack. Are you kidding? I'm so bad compared to Elaine, and it'll be so embarrassing! So i suggested Elaine, but she didn't want to do it either. Sam, Elaine and I were going to do a trio, then, just that we decided not to today after school because there was simply no time, especially since everyone (except me) was rushing off to watch HomeRun. It opened today.
I feel sort of guilty because i think it would be nice to have dancers to make things more interesting and i feel bad about disappointing mrs. lim. but there's no way i can do a solo, really. i just...can't. Not in front of the whole school. Not when my technique is so bad and...I would if i were a better dancer, but i'm not.
AGM went well, anyway. We gave the sec 4s a pencil case filled with sweets and this furry hairclip. So cute! And we had enough food, to Joanna's relief. Someone even brought ice cream, which we ate with Hershey's syrup and the brownies Joanna made. I made cookies! spent the whole of monday baking them. The first batch came out burnt but i didn't want to waste them so i scraped off the burnt parts, intending to use them, but in the end i let Mum and Dad eat them.
But back to the subject. We voted for prez and blah blah blah. Usually they would just count the votes and announce on the spot but this time the short-listed potential presidents would have to go for an interview with the three teachers in charge of dance. Sam, the present dance prez, doesn't want to be president next year, unfortunately, so...it might be me.
I don't know, i just got short-listed. So...today i went for the interview. i had mixed feelings about becoming president because i would be honoured, yes, but it's scary. even though i'm great at organising stuff and working out things i, for the life of me, get quivers at the thought of standing up in front of a bunch of strangers and telling them what to do.
i'm so muddled. i would like to be president but the responsibility is great. big, i mean.
the thing is, after the interview i came out and of course i started analyzing every single thing i said and they said, and i think i might have just been struck off the list because i told them exactly what i just told you: that i wasn't confident in my ability but if they thought i could be president i would accept.
Argh, i don't know what to think. i guess they'll tell us tomorrow.
I've been searching for God, wanting to hear His voice. It's not easy, and i haven't gotten there. The problem is that there's no guaranteed 12-step programme to knowing God. It's not something you can physically do. it's something you have to commit to, a relationship, and...relationships are tricky.
Zhen...I'm sorry. What else can i say? i don't know how i can make you feel better, honestly. i read your email and i get your point of view now and all i can tell you is that i know how you feel. i know how it is when you put in everything you have to something and not achieve the end result desired...i'm sorry.
jac was here with you
8/07/2003 06:49:00 pm