YFaith Like A Child
Tired. So tired. I've been uncharacteristically out for the whole weekend and it's burnt me out. I wish i could have another day off like Jon does to recuperate. Going out is not my thing.
It's not that i went out; i actually spent the whole of my Saturday in church and the whole of Sunday (well, practically) at a Malay wedding and in Popular. Saturday was Bible Quiz day. We came in fourth! I wonder how we're going to split the money. I stayed in church after that (apart from going out for dinner with Deanne, Daniel, Justin, Gilly and a few others) for worship practice.
I backup sing. I should learn to play an instrument, you know. I stopped piano at grade 8 and i gave up guitar because i had no time to practice (and i sucked at it anyway; poor Si Hua trying to teach me), and i sort of gave up drums after the first try when Kim tried to teach me. Yes, the only thing i really like to do is sing.
And today i found my journal. it's a cheap $3 one, pretty enough to satisfy me and cheap enough to satisfy my mum. i don't know how i'm going to revamp it but i'll try my best.
Had cell on Friday and when prayer requests went around the table and it came to me, i said i didn't know, apart from my dad. Then gilly told everyone about the dance prez thing and they put it down but it wasn't the real concern. the real concern was what i told Joey afterwards when she waited for my parents with me in the carpark.
it's just that...i couldn't feel His love. how am i supposed to reciprocate God's love when i can't feel it? how am i supposed to obey God because i love Him when i don't feel it? Intellectually i know God loves me personally, but it just doesn't happen for me.
So Joey told me this story about how in this kindergarten, this boy was taught that "The Lord is my shepherd" and for every word he would tap one finger, starting from his pinkie. When it came to my, he would clench his index finger really tightly.
One day he got lost in a snowstorm, and rescuers found him about a day later. He was already dead, but he was holding his index finger tight.
Childlike faith in God's love and power. I felt like crying when i heard that. I went home and opened the bible and decided that at some point of time i'd not gone for cell and in cell we use this sort of devotional book, so there were a few blank pages. i filled them in.
At one point something just struck me. i don't know how it came about, but it was just three words: Jesus loves me.
Jesus loves me.
I can't explain it, but He loves us so, so much that he would do anything to be close to us. He knows everything about us; he makes such an effort to be there whenever we want to draw near to Him. He gave everything to save us.
And then i felt His love, and wanted to thank Him so much. Because we're so unworthy, so so unworthy, to be loved so deeply by this wonderful deity. Yes, i want to do anything that would please You because i love You.
Thank You.
(p.s. i know this is a bit of a mixed up entry, and i'm sorry for it. i hope you could understand, though, because my mind is frequently in knots)
jac was here with you
8/10/2003 08:07:00 pm