beautiful disaster

The past few days, God has been showing me how blessed I am.

He's shown me how He can bless me with so much and how I can be so blind to it all. It struck me on Friday, as I got back my results. They were fantastic. Honestly, they were. And I was so amazed, you know. Like, "why me, God?" Just in awe of what He's given me. And as I basked in my happiness and surprise, I realised that He's truly given me a lot to be thankful for. A family that cares, friends who love me, talents and experiences that teach me and help me grow.

I guess after being stuck in this huge self-pitying rut for sooo long, it just took that to make me wake up and realise that He's not sadistic; He loves me. It took a blessing to help me taste more of His wonderful love and see His goodness.

Things have happened since Friday and I've been struggling to trust that He knows what is best for me. Struggling with pride over my results and with surrendering my future into His hands.

In this period of time when He seems so silent and yet so audible, I'm learning to trust Him more and more.

Enter ye in at the strait gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat: Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it.

Matt 7:13-14

jac was here with you 5/25/2004 08:06:00 pm

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My Destiny
Psalm 46 (NASB)
God is our refuge and strength,
A very present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change
And though the mountains slip into the heart of the sea;
Though its waters roar and foam,
Though the mountains quake at its swelling pride.

There is river whose streams make glad the city of God,
The holy dwelling places of the Most High.
God is in the midst of her, she will not be moved;
God will help her when morning dawns.
The nations made an uproar, the kingdoms tottered;
He raised His voice, the earth melted.
The Lord of hosts is with us;
The God of Jacob is our stronghold.

Come, behold the works of the Lord,
Who has wrought desolations in the earth.
He makes wars to cease to the end of the earth;
He breaks the bow and cuts the spear in two;
He burns the chariots with fire.
"Cease striving and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
The Lord of hosts is with us;
The God of Jacob is our stronghold.