YWhy I Was A Red, Splotchy Mess Yesterday
Just in case you think I'm this big blubberbut who cries at the drop of a hat (actually, sometimes I think I am).
It was the tension. The tension, I tell you, mounting and mounting until it became unbearable. I mean, honestly! While everyone had been going on about how nervous and worried they were the friday before results came out I thought I had everything under control. And I did have everything under control--until around two o'clock on the actual day.
Nic and I had heard from one of our juniors that our batch's results were the worst yet in MGS history or something like that, but we refused to believe it. Secretly, I thought the girl was just trying to make us panic; our batch isn't that smart but we're not that stupid either. But to hear Miss Kon actually say that we didn't do well at all and to see the statistics--I think the statistics did it. I blame it on the numbers.
I remember grasping Nic's hand the squeezing it tight and sinking down in my chair and placing my head on her shoulder so I wouldn't have to see the numbers anymore. Disappointment welled up within me as I felt everything crumbling down to nothing. I couldn't get 6 points now. There was no way I could get any good results with the sort of numbers they showed. Everything I had done was all for nothing and the teachers knew--oh no, how would they look at me now? I started sobbing. Uncontrollably, I don't even know why; I don't normally do this. No, Jac-the-one-in-control doesn't normally do this.
"Aw, Jac," Andrea said, noticing and turning around. "C'mon, Jac, they haven't even announced the results yet."
I tried to stop, I tried. It was stupid; she was right. I didn't even know what I got; why on earth was I crying? But somehow I couldn't stop.
By this time they'd run out of depressing statistics to show and on the screen were the great big letters, "Clarissa Poh--10 a1s and 1 a2" (I don't care what you say, Clare, that's something to be proud of, and we're so proud of you). This is where it gets really strange, because now you have this seventeen-year-old girl crying for herself and clapping and screaming for the friend she's so, so proud of, and when it gets to Yue-Yi getting 10 a1s it's even more so. Our class practically taupoked her; everyone was hugging and yelling and laughing, caught up in the joy of the moment. The two smartest girls got what they deserved.
Then they flash those who get 8 a1s, and (you guys know this bit) Xi Zi's name is on top but I don't think I really saw that until later because underneath that was mine and I think I practically collapsed on Nic at that point, and the tears of disappointment became tears of joy and relief and thanksgiving. I remember refusing to stand up because I was very sure I looked horrible and darnit, no one else cried, why did I have to go and overwork my tear ducts? But then there was Meixi and Bev and goodness who else behind poking me and telling me to and SO...
THAT is how you get a very slobbery, very overwhelmed, and very sobby girl who still can't really believe that she got 8 a1s and I GOT AN A1 FOR BIO, MR TAY! and oh my gosh, that means I can stay. I can stay in Hwa Chong, in the Humanities programme, with the people who have become my class and gosh, where is God taking me next?
Thank you everyone. (Haha, isn't it funny results came out on Oscars day?) Thank you wonderful MG teachers for being sooo patient, thank you fantastic friends and parents (I have to include this because my mum is so going to see) and brother (please pass your Amath) and everyone else for the support and for sticking by this spoilsport mugger...(Chang, I owe you dinner :P)...Gilly, I wish you were here...Nic, I'm sorry I blubbered all over your uniform...It's amazing that dreams do come true.
In Your unfailing love You will lead
the people You have redeemed.
In Your strength You will guide them
to Your holy dwelling...
The Lord will reign
Forever and ever.
jac was here with you
3/01/2005 06:20:00 pm
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