beautiful disaster

Okay, breathe Jac, breathe! I can feel the oxygen slowly seeping out of my brain--if oxygen does get to your brain (it does right? Through the blood cells--haemoglobin, yeah, that's right. Bio lessons haven't failed me yet). It's gonna be okay.

Let me just ASK. How on EARTH does someone handle studying for her prelims and A's while having to choose courses (not just schools, courses! Politics, Philosophy & Politics, Politics and International Studies...I'm only eighteen, you know) to apply to in the UK and choose schools to apply to in the US? No wait, I thought I could handle that (just tikam-tikam the courses that sound interesting and deal with it later--quite risky but I don't really have a choice, and I'm almost done with the US uni selections) UNTIL I log on to the Common Application site and realise that in addition to applying through the Common App, these schools have SUPPLEMENTS to submit! Like, more essays!

It's okay Jac, one year from now this will be fine. Give me a bunch of history essays to write any day--at least you don't have to feeling that any wrong word or piece of analysis you write could have the potential to change your life.

I mean, if you look at it in the grand scheme of things, all this decision making and paperwork (:P) doesn't really change your life because what is your life anyway? And what's a normal life (what's a normal household? :))? How can you say anything that happens to you is life changing--life is changing all the time, you change all the time, I'd like to think. Subtly, unconsciously, but slowly.

Maybe not--you hear stories of old men who have always been stingy or reclusive and suddenly an event changes their lives. I wonder if that's stereotyping or if it's true.

But my point is: maybe whatever happens next year won't change my life--maybe it is my life.

jac was here with you 9/02/2006 09:43:00 am

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My Destiny
Psalm 46 (NASB)
God is our refuge and strength,
A very present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change
And though the mountains slip into the heart of the sea;
Though its waters roar and foam,
Though the mountains quake at its swelling pride.

There is river whose streams make glad the city of God,
The holy dwelling places of the Most High.
God is in the midst of her, she will not be moved;
God will help her when morning dawns.
The nations made an uproar, the kingdoms tottered;
He raised His voice, the earth melted.
The Lord of hosts is with us;
The God of Jacob is our stronghold.

Come, behold the works of the Lord,
Who has wrought desolations in the earth.
He makes wars to cease to the end of the earth;
He breaks the bow and cuts the spear in two;
He burns the chariots with fire.
"Cease striving and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."
The Lord of hosts is with us;
The God of Jacob is our stronghold.