YTruth Revisited
I'm thankful that God doesn't ask us to do what we cannot do in this life.
There comes a point when you're studying humanities when you realise that some things simply cannot be acquired, regardless of how much mugging you do. There is no conscious action you can carry out to make your prose more lucid, or to acquire a nimble, analytical mind that thinks fast and writes even faster. Sure, you can read more, and plan your essays, and practice writing, but there is a limit to what you can do to improve your essay writing and critical thinking skills. Some people develop them quicker than others. Some don't develop them much at all. Many times the best writers and thinkers are the best because they had it in them right from the start. Or, at least, their lives and attitudes and interests moulded them such that they polished and developed these skills to near perfection.
If this sounds fatalistic, I don't intend it to be. I would see this more as a realistic statement--education does improve our minds and allow us to reach our potential. But everyone's potential is of a different quality, and it's easy to forget that in the throes of competition.
It's hard to be reconciled to this idea in the throes of competition. There's a Chinese saying that translated literally says, "There's nothing under the sky that is impossible for someone with determination". But I beg to differ. Sometimes as diligent and committed as you may be, you may still fail. It's easier to see this when you're dealing with the arts. How did Shakespeare/Chaucer/Donne/Plath/insert appropriate writer here know what words to choose to express how they felt? They experimented and practised, yes, but they also had vivid imaginations that allowed them to translate emotions and thoughts into pictures and words. If an ordinary, mediocre writer tried, he would fail, no matter how hard he tried.
It's sort of like how it is in sports. Why do some people become great soccer stars or basketballers and others don't, despite the fact that both may practice as passionately and diligently? A combination of natural advantages, nurtured strengths, inherent characteristics and, as some might call it, luck, enable one to succeed over the other.
What then? As I look in full admiration (and envy, I admit) at the brilliance around me, I find myself discouraged, unsure and discontented with what God has given me. Yeah, sure, I'm smart, but they're smarter. They'll do better because they have so much more in them (and it's not the school--perhaps indirectly it is, through competition, but I don't think good teachers necessarily produce great students). I'm doomed.
And then God reminds me to turn my eyes away from what seems to be reality and to look at Him and remember: "Trust in the Lord and do good, dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him and He will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him..." (Psalm 37:3-7)
He calls me to trust in Him and commit my way to Him and delight in Him as I journey with Him. I may not be able to understand econs fully, or remember enough history facts, or understand what Chaucer's talking about, but as long as I honour Him in what I do--in my studies, in my relationships, in my walk with Him--He will keep me safe and give me the desires of my heart, which are more than what the world can give me. I may be a fortunate exception to the grim picture I've painted above, or I may not--but regardless, I am complete in Him.
Whenever I feel discontented and discouraged about my life and my intelligence and my abilities, I remember one morning in MGS when I opened up the Bible and read from 1st Samuel 1. Hannah, discouraged, discontented and disillusioned, would cry because she didn't have a son, and her husband Elkanah would say to her, "Hannah, why are you weeping?...Don't I mean more to you than ten sons?" And Someone asked me, "Aren't I enough for you?"
jac was here with you
2/13/2006 09:01:00 pm
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