Yfait accompli
Word for the day: fait accompli.
"An accomplished, presumably irreversable deed or fact."
As in, "Here every delay in the beginning of war operations is regarded as signifying the dancer that foreign powers might interfere. We are urgently advised to proceed without delay and to place before the world a fait accompli."--Austro-Hungarian Ambassador for Berlin, Szogyeny, July 1914.
5 essays in two days. Jac, you rule :)
(p.s. 2 more to go, but I'm so used to writing about WWI that it's getting easier to sound intelligent about it.)
jac was here with you
3/23/2006 06:06:00 pm
YThe Alliance System
Sorry, the blog's been a bit dead, hasn't it? You're probably used to it, though :)
Taking a (long long long) break from doing econs. I think all the studying I did last week burnt me out so the fact that I have my econs block test tomorrow is not enough to scare me into studying just yet.
It's been an interesting few days. Finally got the badly-kept secret out of the horse's mouth--not that I didn't roughly know the details already, but it's always nice when the source tells you directly. Ballet exam is finally over--thank goodness I never need to dance that syllabus ever again, and I can start on pointe work and get black toes again. Blocks are this week and I got so sick of my math block test that I just gave up 15 minutes before the end and tried to go to sleep.
Random thoughts:
Have been realising that I'm really very insecure about everything. I keep thinking there's some sort of defect in me that's just waiting to expose itself somehow. Don't really know how to explain it and don't really understand how I happened to get this idea into my head. I just remember Gilly yelling at me across the canteen one Sunday morning, all frustrated: "YOU HAVE NO MAJOR DEFECTS, OKAY?"
Hey, that's good enough for me.
The week should be good because I get to spend a minimal amount of time in school, so I don't get sucked in and start comparing myself with others again. It gets really depressing, especially because I tend to blow things out of proportion. It's become a sort of mental exercise, actually, this battling of feelings of inferiority and depression. I hope this doesn't continue after JC. No, I think even if it does I'll just decide to become this mediocre person and stop striving to always be the best because it just requires too much energy. We'll see how.
As I was trying to get to sleep during my math paper yesterday I remember thinking about my friends in school and how I feel so competitive towards most of them, resutling in my reluctance to spend more time with them. Now I understand what people mean when they say their colleagues aren't their close friends--it's hard to get close when you're supposed to be competing against each other. Then I remembered "Love your enemies", and somehow everything clicked.
It's not like I'm this complete loner in Hwa Chong--I have some friends, and even some people I tell all my depressing feelings to. It's just that the view I have of most of the people in Hwa Chong are that of regrettable necessities--if given a choice I wouldn't have them around me because of what they represent, not because of who they are per se. Many of them are really nice people.
Aiyah, it's just that I think too much lah, and I'm really insecure and I have no idea where I'm going. Now you guys know why I don't post often cos if you realise, most of my posts talk about the same thing.
You know what? I think I should just stop thinking and like chill. And stop to smell the flowers and actually talk about my day, like people do on normal blogs.
jac was here with you
3/21/2006 01:08:00 pm